It's been dark and rainy today. Ever since I was in the hospital I have not been enjoying the holidays. I'm feeling very thankful and blessed that I'm out of the hospital, but this year Christmas just isn't the same as before. There has been some family drama that is going to prevent us from spending the holidays with Eddie's family like we have always done for the past several years. I have always loved spending time with them on Christmas Eve because my family is so small and all of my cousins have their own families to celebrate and spend Christmas with. His sister and her family always get into Christmas in a big way. I always enjoyed going to their house because it's always so festive. I even told her once that that was the best time I ever had a Christmas since becoming an adult. Never in a million years did I ever think that they would get mad at me and then not want anything to do with me ever again. It's really hurtful, but it is what it is. I guess it's true that nothing good or bad ever stays the same, which is really sad. I have to move on.
We do always go to my MIL's house for either Christmas Eve or Christmas day. Usually it was later on Christmas day because my mother always cooked Christmas dinner for us on Christmas day in her tiny apartment and we opened our gifts with her. Then, we would leave there and go to my MIL's house to celebrate with her. This year my mother is not here and we will be going to my MIL's on Christmas Eve, probably, and nowhere on Christmas day. That will be very sad and I'm sure that on Christmas day I'm going to miss my mother more than ever. We always celebrated with her on Christmas day. I'm even dreading it, in a way, and will be glad when it's over with. I wish we had somewhere to go so I could just get my mind off of it. But, as far as I know, we don't have anywhere to go, so it's going to be a lonely old day being here by ourselves while everyone else is celebrating with their families. Not having children, really sends it home too. At least, if we had children, maybe they would come and visit us. But, not all children visit their parents on holidays. I guess I'm just really having a good old pity party. I guess I will try to have some kind of Christmas dinner for me and Eddie, but I don't know what it's going to be yet. No restaurants are open because the implication is that people have families to go to and places to go eat. That's really sad because not everyone does. I guess that's why a lot of people who are alone in the world go and volunteer at a local shelter or community kitchen so that the homeless and otherwise people with no families will have somewhere to go. If I could get up enough energy, I might clean up the house a little and ask Donnie to come over. He doesn't have his mother either, but he does have his brother, who invites him sometimes to come over on holidays. After being in the hospital, I just don't have the energy to even clean up my house. Maybe I'm in a depression of sorts. I know one thing, holidays sure do get harder as our families dwindle down. I guess it's just part of getting older.
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